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Can Parents Stop the Crying?

If parents cannot control their baby’s crying, they sometimes feel it is their fault.  This is generally not the case.  

 

Can anything stop the crying?

  • Sometimes there is a reason for a baby crying. A checklist of things for you to try is included here. Once you have tried them and you know that your baby is generally well, you can be reassured that your baby’s unexplained crying is probably not your fault.
  • Research has shown the more babies are held in the first 4 months of life, the less they cry.
  • Even parents who respond quickly to the crying cannot always prevent or stop it. These long, ‘unsoothable’ bouts of crying, for no apparent reason, tend to end when babies are 3 or 4 months old. Evidence suggests that they are probably linked to normal development.

It is understandable to sometimes feel that the crying is your fault because you cannot stop it.  You will probably have already tried everything: holding and rocking, buggy or car-rides, a baby sling, changes of feeds, colic drops, massage. Any of these can sometimes help, but nothing works every time.  Excessive crying does not last forever though.

“I remember saying to my mum ‘what am I doing wrong, am I doing something wrong with her, cos she just won’t stop?’. But nobody tells you, you know, that it’s normal.”

Jessica,

(Parent with an excessively crying baby)

“It’s heartbreaking to see that you have got this little being that is totally helpless and there is nothing that you can do to make it feel content. And you feel as a parent, as a mother, it’s your responsibility to make that baby feel better.”

Sharmila,

(Parent with an excessively crying baby)

Most parents of crying babies are capable parents

  • There is evidence that most parents of crying babies are involved, responsive, sensitive and careful – and many have had previous babies who have not cried a lot.
  • The crying is just as likely to occur in second or later babies as first-borns, indicating that it is not due to parental inexperience.

In most cases, the long, unexplained crying bouts that occur in 0-4 month old babies, are not due to poor parenting.

“I felt I was failing as a parent.”

Rebecca

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"Tara shares her experiences of what is was like to have a crying baby, using…"

Tara

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"She cried just about every waking minute."

Caitlin

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Myth:
“My baby is crying on purpose to get at me”

Fact:
Young babies have no control over their crying.
Crying is an automatic reflex, just like pulling a hand away from something hot. It is true that older babies can cry deliberately, for example if they want to be picked up. But they cannot do this until they are about 6 months old.

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